Editor's note: Since Nico Tortorella identifies as gender-fluid, they/them pronouns were used in the article to stand in for the actor.
For 13 years, pansexual star Nico Tortorella has been with fitness advocate Bethany Meyers—who identifies as gay—in a romantic set-up that’s quite different from the norm.
When they met Bethany, she was a practicing Baptist in a committed relationship. “She told me she could never imagine dating another human in her entire life and didn’t believe in evolution. I was like, ‘B*tch, game on!’” Nico told ABS-CBN Lifestyle, adding that the two grew up together and later on shaped each other’s queer identities and expressions in beautiful ways. “I wouldn’t be half the human I am today without her. She would say the same thing about me and we really just respect each other individually as much as we share this civil and spiritual union that we have."
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Nico and Bethany married in March last year wearing wonderful, gender-bending outfits. “There was something super ceremonial about the way we conducted this marriage and it’s funny, my ex boyfriend actually designed our outfits for us,” Nico shared.
Nico and Bethany like to think they've always had this kind of balance between their masculine and feminine energies. “Some days, I’m super feminine and some days, Bethany is super masculine. It’s difficult when we’re both super masculine at the same time. We always have to do this dance with each other so the way it goes, it’s like, ‘Hey babe, I’m feeling like this today and if you could show it to me in this way, I would really appreciate that.’”
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What sets their "queer polyamorous" love a little extreme to the rest? Well, they still date the entire spectrum. But somehow, they manage to make it work, they assured. In fact, they both went on separate dates on their wedding day! “Bethany had this girl stay in an apartment and I went to stay with another dude at a hotel room the exact same night. It just happened that we found a real date,” shared Nico. “Come 8:30 in the morning, I got out of bed, got into a cab, went back to our apartment, and the girl had just left. She ordered Bethany and I breakfast and we had breakfast in bed while we were talking about the night we just had. That’s so special.”
On receiving hate over such set-up, Nico got real recalling an incident when they were told to be “just like wh*res, sex-crazed addicts.” The star, however, cleared that they as a couple do not engage in sexual intimacy with anyone unless they are emotionally invested in that person. “I don’t have time to have sex with random people. It’s so much more than sex,” Nico stressed. “For me, being in a queer polyamorous relationship, it’s the ability to have space for other people and other types of love, and provide for them.”
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Photographs taken from the subjects' Instagram accounts