By Bianca Gonzalez-Intal as told to ABS-CBN Lifestyle
There was nothing from my past experiences that prepared me for motherhood. None at all. Siguro, at most, is the puyatan hours of my work. That’s it. Kahit papaano, na-train ako for this puyatan.
But it’s also so different.
I know where I'm good at. I know my competency in hosting. But, when it comes to being a mom, I'm still not that sure if I'm doing a good job. It was my first time to do this; my child was the first newborn I’ve ever held, the first diaper I have ever changed—everything. I kept asking myself: “Am I doing anything right? Is this really the way to do the right things?” It will really smash your confidence. But, I learned that with time, you will slowly build that confidence. You will slowly learn how to “read” your child. Now, motherhood seems to be a bit better, because it’s my second time around. I somehow now know what to expect.
There’s really no one event that can sum up what the experience of motherhood is really like. Having one child was tough, but having two is entirely different! Iba na talaga! Nakakabaliw, lalo na if one’s a newborn and one’s a toddler. They are both difficult in different ways.
The other day, my toddler was being difficult—ayaw sumunod, ayaw makinig. She wanted to do her own thing—being maarte, lahat! I was about to give her a bath, so pinapili ko sya, "What do you want to do first? Eat or take a bath?" She answered, "Take a bath." But then she wouldn't do it when we got to the bath. I was so frustrated, because it was already in the late afternoon, I was exhausted. I was telling Lucia, “Help me please, help me!” Then, I started to cry. She was still being maarte, “No, I don’t want!” So, for the first time ever, I shouted at her. “Luciaaaaaaa!” As in, I screamed at her. Lucia’s face changed. She was so scared. She cried. It was the first time I shouted at her like that, and I felt terrible. But she embraced me while crying. I cried even more. And then not even a minute after, my newborn—who was hungry—started to cry as well. So, we were all crying! How do you divide yourself between two human beings that need you? It was really intense. That night, I was putting my toddler to sleep. I thought she would have been distnat, but she was still so malambing and wanted me to lie down beside her. That’s definitely one of the most recent memorable experiences of motherhood.
ALSO READ: Hot Stuff: Head To This Season's Biggest Bazaar Headed By Your Fave Bloggers And Influencers!
Photos taken from Bianca's Instagram account