By Maan de Vera
Parting ways with someone who once held (or is still holding) you heart is never easy. On the other hand, seeing them fall for someone else is a different story.
Knowing that someone else has filled the shoes you once so lovingly wore is in a lot of ways like grieving. Not only do you have to endure the metaphorical death of someone you love(d), you also need to face the demise of the dreams that you built with someone.
So, here it is: the different stages we all go through when our ex starts to fall in love with someone else.
You disregard it. You convince yourself that the new person who waltzes into your ex’s circle is nothing but a friend...a close friend. Until you dig deeper and you start to unveil that they are too close to be “just friends.” Then it finally sinks in: have you been replaced?
You get mad. Mad at the new person for intruding what’s left of your relationship. Mad at your ex for moving on. Mad at yourself for not being able to be okay. Because you should feel okay. You should be happy for them, right? But, wrong. You feel the exact opposite.
You compare your relationship with your ex to their relationship with the new person. You scroll through their social media feeds, dig for information from your mutual friends, and use any resource that you can find to see if they are a “better” couple than you were. You look at every aspect and see how you measure up.
It’s over. The more you know about them, the more it hurts. No matter how hard you try to console yourself with the idea that the time you spent with your ex is more meaningful, the more your realize that you have truly lost because the time your shared together is already all in the past.
You move on. You start looking at the other direction to make your own path. At times, you take a peek and it still pinches a little bit, but the resentment is no longer there because you no longer feel like there is a reason to compete. You realize that as much as we hoped for love to stay, sometimes love is destined to leave. And there will come a time that love will find somebody else.
Moving on is a never ending process. It comes in many stages and sometimes, we go back and forth in certain phases. Regardless of what terms we ended up with our exes, nothing can ever completely wipe them from our hearts. We will always have a spot for them, and this will remain to be bittersweet regardless of how much time passes by.
It’s just up to us to bravely take on each of these stages because all this pain will eventually lead us to the healing that we all deserve.
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