People & Inspiration

#ChalkAsks: Why Did You Choose To Ghost?

#ChalkAsks: Why Did You Choose To Ghost?

 

When you're dating someone who suddenly disappears without any warning at all, it's safe to say that, unfortunately, you've been ghosted. (Welcome to 21st century dating!) Since they didn't tell you anything, you're left wondering what you could've done wrong. Whether it's because they don't want any drama or it's a quick and easy way out, this will surely leave you confused at the very least and can potentially scar you. 

As much as I don't want to admit it, I ghosted people before because it feels more convenient. Disappearing just felt like a practical move to end a connection that wasn't working out for me, but I learned that it's wrong. I've realized how painful it is for the people whom I ghosted, that's why I want to be better now. But to tackle this topic a bit more, I took the time to ask my fellow creepers in the modern world of dating why they once chose to ghost and what this experience taught them.

"Well, I wasn't planning on doing it, but things have become toxic already and felt that ghosting her would be the easiest way to end what we had back then. Honestly, it will surely be much more chaotic if things ended differently. I felt bad for leaving her like that, imagine the pain that she might have gone through. That's why I kept in mind to think of the consequences and effects first before I act." - Luke, 22

"I've been to a few blind dates and planned meet-ups with guys I've met on dating apps. And if I feel uncomfortable, I ghost them. I only ghost guys when they lie about their appearance because I have low tolerance towards people with no self-awareness. Although I know we shouldn't ghost people, it's the fear of hurting their feelings, that's why I do it. But ghosting usually causes more pain and insecurities than outright saying it. A lesson I learned is just to be honest rather than leave them wondering why. It's the least we could do as supposed decent people." - MH, 22

"I was being friendly with this one guy from college because he reminds me of my old crush. However, when he was starting to return the friendliness, I realized I didn't romantically like him. I eventually stopped replying to his texts and avoided him altogether because I felt like I had to stop before anything serious happens. Although through this experience, I learned that I shouldn't be flirty with people that I have no intention of pursuing anything with. After what happened, I felt guilty because I know I hurt him in some way." - Dee, 27

"I always thought 'the chase' was exciting. That's why when the other person reciprocates certain feelings, I ghost them because it would hinder my usual chasing routine. Escaping from something I'm responsible for doing is a great relief, but I regret it. And it's going to be a weight I have to hold on to until who knows when." - Ellie, 22

RELATED: #ChalkAsks: Is The "Ligaw Stage" Still Important?

"I ghost people when I don't feel the excitement anymore or when they start getting clingy, but I know I shouldn't do it. That's why I learned that if I want my feelings to be respected, I should respect their feelings, too. I'll start turning down people I don't see a future with, instead of leaving for no reason." - Ava, 25

"We met through a dating app, and the connection was good. He would do a lot of things for me, which I appreciated. But after a while, I noticed that he wouldn't try to continue the conversation. So I had to compensate, and in return, I got bored because it's tiring to be the only one who keeps the conversation going. At least I did learn to be more cautious with possible red flags and not waste my time and energy on someone who doesn't deserve it. Just because they lacked in one thing, it doesn't mean that I automatically must fill whatever it is that they're lacking." - Gee, 21

"I chose to ghost her because of difficult circumstances. To keep going, we both had to be stronger, but I wasn't able to do so. From that experience, I learned that one has to be stronger. To stay in a relationship, you both need to be strong for each other. When the going gets tough, you both get going!" - Moises, 24

"It was Fête de la Musique in Makati, and I was supposed to see this guy I met on Bumble. I got to the bar first, it wasn't a problem for me until he made me wait 3 hours just because it was raining. It was raining too when I came, and his place was closer to the bar than mine. Just because a guy's smart doesn't mean he'll be courteous, so I ghosted him. Be considerate, but not too considerate, or else you'll look like a fool inside a bar with an empty stool in front of you for 3 hours." - Pepper, 23

At the end of the day, the one who did the ghosting knows what they did and the pain that they left to the person they ghosted. As someone who ghosted before, I admit that the reason I've done it was to not deal with the discomfort of their emotions, but I know now that this isn't the right thing to do. In any relationship, communication is key, even if you are ending it. Let's start being the bigger person because if we don't, we might end up on the opposite side of ghosting when the time comes.  

ALSO READ: #ChalkAsks: What's Something You Never Got The Chance To Tell Your Ex?

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