Insecurity, when it comes to friendships, can be quite overwhelming. It's something that we're all better off without but honestly really hard to ignore. At this day and age, self-doubt and envy run rampant. The saddest part is that, sometimes, your insecurity is being masked as your friend's fault for being "boastful," when in reality, they really are not.
If you're the insecure friend, don't worry, you're not a bad person because this is the kind of behavior that can be fixed. But if you still don't know if the horrible feeling you have is indeed the proof of you being the insecure friend, we listed down the signs that there's a bad seed growing within you and what you can do about it!
1. You see everything as competition.
Whether it's about your grades or who has more likes on their Instagram posts, on your perspective, everything is a competition between the two fo you. A little of it is actually a good thing, but competing even in the smallest things should be a red flag!
We know you want to be the very best in everything, but friendships should never be about competition. What you can do is accept the fact that there will always be things that they're better at than you and you're better at than them, and that's actually a good thing because having different strengths can make your friendship more powerful!
2. You compare yourself to them.
Correlated to making everything a competition between you two, from the way they dress to how their body looks like, everything that makes them who they are is something you compare to what you have. For example, your friend's boyfriend surprised her in the most romantic way, then you'll think life is "unfair," your jealousy rises, and start blaming outside circumstances.
Well, what you can do is start loving yourself more because this kind of insecurity happens when you don't appreciate who you are. By comparing yourself and your own journey to them, you're bringing unnecessary stress in your life. So instead of focusing on how unfair life is, focus more on being grateful with the blessings you have in your life and practice self-care.
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3. You don't feel good when they achieve something.
Instead of congratulating them, you always find a way to make the things they achieved irrelevant. When they tell you that they got the highest grade in a certain subject or about to be an intern in their dream company, you hit them with negative or sarcastic comments like "the subject was basicially a piece of cake" or "your dream company is easy to get in to anyway."
Making someone feel bad for achieving something they worked hard for is a toxic trait that you should get rid of. Instead of underestimating your friend, be supportive because they told you those things not to make you feel like they're better than you but to know you're there for them to celebrate their wins.
4. You want everything that they want.
It's natural to want something you don't have, that's why there's this thing we call "hard work." But when it comes to wanting something just because your friend wants it, that's where the problem comes in. There's this certain scene that was released as part of the uncut version of the hit film Mean Girls where the protagonist Cady Heron and antagonist Regina George talked about the reason why they wanted to upstage each other in the first place, and then Regina said that she wants to have everything other people want just to make them feel that she's superior to them. Yikes.
This scenario actually happens in real life, but this doesn't mean that it should be a normal thing. Status and success play a big factor in everyone's life, but what you can do is realize that there are things not worth exerting energy on, and this includes taking away what your friend desires or wanting to be exactly as they are.
Being insecure of your friend can be a sign that your friendship is overall toxic. Don't worry, it's not yet too late because this can still get better especially if you have brought it to light and told your friend why you think you began feeling this way. Your friend might even begin to think of ways on how she can help you! But if you want to be more at peace, the best way to end this is by not letting it get to you—practice being comfortable with yourself just the way you are because you're better than this.
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