When you're friends with someone, you'd want them to have the best in life because you believe that they're kind, dependable, and the person who would always bring out the best in you. But what happens if you wake up one day and find out that the person you once thought you can trust broke it.
I describe myself as an approachable person, but when it comes to the people I call my friends, there aren't many because I value my privacy the most which means I only tell personal things about me to the people who I know are loyal to me.
But I guess—my mistake—I trust my friends too much that's why one of them chose to betray me. Up to this day, I still can't believe that my friend didn't feel bad when I confronted her about it and even told me that she wasn't aware that the things I told her are secrets I hoped for her to keep. As much as I don't want to hold onto my disappointment, these are the things I felt when I was betrayed by a friend.
1. I doubted everyone around me.
When I trust someone, know that it took a lot for me to tell something I don't normally tell anyone. It might seem like I'm an open book, but there are a lot of things about me that only my closest friends and family know.
When my friend betrayed me, as much as I don't want to, I started doubting everyone around me. That's the first thing betrayal does to you, you'll feel like you can't trust anyone anymore, and maybe all this time you're right.
2. I started questioning my self-worth.
It took me a lot of years to build how I see myself and to love every inch of imperfection inside of me, but it only took one betrayal from a friend to crush it all over again. I started questioning my self-worth. Am I just a joke to her? Am I not enough to be friends with trustworthy people? Do anyone even take me seriously?
I started thinking that all of this happened because I wasn't "worthy" enough to be respected. I never thought how powerful being betrayed really is, and I've never assumed that it would affect me this much to the point of questioning my value.
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3. I've lessen my expectations of people.
I guess I shouldn't have really assumed that I'm surrounded with people who value the trust I gave them. I shouldn't have expected that the people I tell my secrets to would instantly know that I don't tell private information about me like this to other people unless I believe that they wouldn't tell it to anyone.
After I found out that she told almost everyone my secret, I reminded myself to lessen my expectations of people because anyone can do this to you—even your friend whom you treated like your own sister. As I see it, the more you expect people to be trustworthy, the more they break their promises.
4. I blamed myself.
I blamed myself for trusting so easily, for not listening to my instincts, for giving her the benefit of the doubt, and for caring about someone who doesn't value my trust.
It's funny how everyone was telling me that I didn't do anything wrong and the anger that I'm feeling should only be targeted to my friend, but I couldn't help it. At the back of my mind, maybe a part of me knew that I am foolish and being betrayed is actually my fault because I trusted her. I was the one who trusted someone untrustworthy, that's why it backfired.
Imagine feeling like someone is squeezing your heart—you can't think straight and you can't seem to breathe. That's what it really feels like to be betrayed by someone.
If you've been betrayed before, perhaps a part of you wanted to plan revenge against them. Honestly, I couldn't blame you. But I know that the more I re-run these thoughts, the more I would bring pain to myself. Yes, I've been betrayed by a friend, and it's an awful experience. But one thing that I learned from this is that I couldn't betray and hurt myself like this; my friend isn't worth it at all.
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