People & Inspiration

Daily Diaries: How Fixing Someone Broke Me

Daily Diaries: How Fixing Someone Broke Me


When it comes to the topic of broken people, there had been a lot of assumption that they're fixable like an object. In reality, it's not possible to fix someone because some are either in denial that an aspect in them is in need of repairing, while some have a huge baggage that the only one who would be able to fix it is themselves.

And that's how "fixers" like me are made, I personally don't like seeing other people suffering which is the reason why I wanted to "fix" broken people before. But there are a lot of fixers who have a deeper reason as to why they became one: it's because of their desire to solve the issues of the broken person who has a similar problem with their loved one in the past.

For example, when one dates an abusive partner because they grew up with abusive parents, they assume that if they would be able to fix their abusive partner through sheer tender, love, and carem, it would, hopefully, heal their past. Unfortunately, it's rare for this cases to be solved, especially if the "broken person" doesn't even want to be "fixed."

As someone who has been a fixer before, I would never want anyone to go through what I had gone through again. I realized that in the process of helping someone to be a better version of themselves, I became less of myself. Hopefully, before it's too late, you'd be wary and avoid these consequences:

1. I stopped believing in myself.

Whether it's with relationships or friendships, I've noticed that I have this desire of wanting to fix people and make them happier even if it could possibly cost of me to lose myself. It's because of this that I stopped believing in my capabilities.

I remember back in college, I had a friend who was full of insecurities and doubt in herself because of her past experiences that whenever I achieve something, she would brush it off like it's nothing and would unconsciously make me feel that I didn't deserve it. After that, whenever opportunities come in my life, I refused to jump right into it because I wanted to stay as the same level as her or don't want her to think I'm doing better than her. 

2. I became numb over my emotions.

Due to my desire to fix their broken pieces, I became careful on how I acted around them. I don't want to do anything that would further "break" them. So even if I wasn't being myself most of the time, I didn't care as long as I didn't hurt them.

Before, a guy I used to like had a baggage from his past that he didn't want to talk about. And it's because of this that he became someone you would describe as a "bad boy." Since I was so attracted to him, I acted like the kind of girl he would want to date and would only do the things that he wants to do when we're together because I wanted to "fix" him and give him the things that he didn't get to experience before. I've done a lot of things before that I absolutely regret now, but I'm glad that I woke up before I fell in too deep. 

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3. I prioritized them over my needs.

Whether it's taking a day-off to spend time with yourself or strictly following a healthy lifestyle by exercising and sleeping early everyday, everyone has needs in their life that makes them happier and more productive. But since it had unconsciously been my goal to make the broken people in my life happy, I didn't notice how much I neglected my own needs and wants. I became a go-with-the-flow personl as long as they're happy, it's okay even if I'm not. And even if there had been a time before that I noticed how unhappy Iwas becoming, I just took it as a sign that I'm doing something "good" for them which was mentally and emotionally unhealthy. 

4. Self-love was non-existent in my life.

Since I didn't respect myself anymore, I also started hating myself each day. I wanted to give so much love to them to the point that I lost all the love I had for myself. Self-love has become a word rather than a feeling I should have been working on. I wanted so much to show that I feel emphathetic with their feelings and I did, but what I didn't notice instantly was how I ruined myself in return. 

Although I already left the "fixer" in me since I started noticing how broken I was myself, I don't mind looking back on those days, college days to be exact, and appreciate how much I've improved after it. I realized that wanting to "fix" someone would never work because it's not my job, or anyone's job for that matter, to make someone happy or to put their pieces back together. The only thing that we could do is understand them and make them feel that they're not alone. If that's still not enough, don't feel guilty because your number one priority should always be your happiness alone. 

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