By Angeline Cheng
Hi! How are you? Well, I guess you’re fine. I saw you the other day with your friends, and you were all-smiles throughout… As if you didn’t feel any trace of sadness or pain. I was supposed to approach you, but regretted just to even think about it. Just seeing you brings too much agony in my heart.
Time flies so fast, I haven’t noticed it’s been months since we decided to part ways and become strangers again. Truth be told, I haven’t even moved on, no, not a tiny microscopic progress. I still love you the same way I have loved you all this time. I admit, it still hurts like hell thinking you’ll never come back.
Have we really broken up? Because no, I can’t fathom to believe that you’re not here with me anymore, too far to hold. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that it’s okay for you to go, this stupid heart would always say it needs you in it.
Am I being hysterical? Because as much as I want to tell myself that what we had is long gone, I can’t bring myself to accept the reality in front of me that our love was over.
Do you remember everything about us as much as I can vividly remember it? Or have you even thought about us at all? Because the memories we had are just too difficult to forget. The way you courted me, the way you looked into my eyes every time you told me you loved me… Remembering it all now is beyond unbearable.
How can I forget those romantic movie dates and cheesy texts? How will I survive a day not telling you my problems and rants about life? How can I go through the day without you reassuring me that I’m beautiful, with or without makeup on? I honestly don’t know if I can do it any longer.
What happened to us? Everything goes ecstatically fine back then, but then again, nothing’s permanent. Those little sweet text messages we shared became brutally cold. Those little surprises you usually make became lesser and lesser until they were gone. Those petty fights have turned into something serious and lethal. Your vile words have been etched into my mind, and my frankness about your shortcomings suffocated you until you can’t breathe.
And like a fraction of a second, you are no longer my knight in shining armor, and I am no longer your damsel in distress. You are no longer my light in those dark times, and I am no longer your sunshine on a rainy day. Instead, I’ve become chaos to your mind, and you’ve become poison to my heart.
Do you know how much it hurts? You promised me you would stay. You promised me you would never leave. As much as I want to fight for this relationship, you’ve loosen your grip and chosen to let go. I know happiness is something you can’t deprive ftom a person, and if you couldn't feel that happiness with me anymore, I can’t blame you. But let me be honest and tell you that it feels so unfair. I decided to hold on and trust us but you decided to let go of my hand and leave.
You’re everywhere to me. It’s hard for me to see you happy as if nothing happened, while here I am, wallowing in my own sadness and enduring this emotional and mental burden alone. I wonder why it feels like I’m the only one going through the pains of heartbreak.
I’m still mourning, but just let me be. Moving on is a very long process. I may not succeed in it now, but I am hoping and praying that one day, I can and I will. Of course, I will never forget about you. Even though you’ve left a large hole in my heart, you’ve also taught me a lot of lessons about love, life, and my value as a person. I also deserve to be happy. But for now, let me just continue crying and hurting because I know that somehow it will help me come to my senses that life goes on…
With or without you.
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