By Maan de Vera
A heart can break for infinite possible reasons, but nothing quite hits us more than getting hurt by the people we see in a romantic light.
The feeling is all too familiar. You spend hours staring at the ceiling while painting scenarios of what-could-be if you just had it your way. You rehearse the words that you should’ve said but never had the strength to. You plan grand gestures to make up for the actions that you did and didn't take.
We’ve all been there. If you haven’t, then you are definitely lucky (or in denial.) However, for most of us, we had nothing else to do but to face this ugly feeling head on until it slowly fades away. That is, if it ever will.
I know that what I am about to tell you may seem difficult or even impossible, but hear me out: forgive the person who broke your heart. It doesn’t matter if they did it intentionally or not. Whether or not they asked for it, find it in you to absolve this person of the blame for your heartbreak
These are the things you'll realize when you forgive the person who broke your heart.
1. The only person who can break your heart is you.
This may not be the most pleasant thing to hear, but you are the reason for the misery that you are going through right now. The truth is: letting someone in your life also means that you are giving them the freedom to leave at any point. While it may seem euphoric to be under the illusion that we can keep a person forever, it just doesn’t work that way because we can only hope. We hurt because we expected when we should’ve just enjoyed every moment while it lasted.
2. The only way to move forward is to focus on you.
If you keep looking back at the person who broke your heart, you will also keep looking back at the pain that they have caused you. You can’t possibly move forward if it’s you who keeps pushing yourself into a spiral of misery. Instead, reach out your arms and take all the lessons that you can possibly get from this. Hold on to them tightly with both hands and remember who you are before all of these happened. More importantly, figure out the person that you can become after a heartbreak.
3. The only way to find love again is to love who you are.
You can’t give what you don’t have...yet. Looking for a rebound in order to make it seem like you have already moved on in the eyes of the person who broke your heart may come across as an easy fix. However, this is unfair to the person you used as a rebound and to you. Pretending that you’ve found love again by throwing yourself to the next possible person just to make yourself and others believe that you are okay is simply wrong. Before getting involved with another person, find the love that you have lost within you first no matter how lost you are right now.
There is no formula in dealing with a heartbreak, yes. We all have our ways. Some get better fast enough, while others take time. However, it’s safe to say that there is one way to cope with the people who broke our hearts, and it is to forgive. In the end, a heart that holds a grudge will forever be broken.
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