It was around September when my little sister who spent her high school days at the same school as I did unconsciously became the reason of how I remembered every unpleasant moments I had in high school. Unlike the me, my sister has always been excited and happy to be in school—she even became a part of the cheerleader team which was actually the reason why I came back to that school after so many years. I was there to support her compete, but I didn’t expect that it’s also going to be the same day that I’d experience the closure I never knew I needed.
While I was waiting for my little sister's performance, sitting across me and my mom were my high school bullies: the people who enjoyed making my life miserable when I was young. I knew how small the world is, I knew that I’ll see them again—but what I didn’t expect were the things I’d feel once I did.
Here, I share with you how it felt like seeing my bullies for the first time in years.
1. It made me realize how much I grew emotionally.
Once in a while, it’s nice to see the people who used to be a part of your life before to gauge how much you've changed over the past years. When I saw my high school bullies, I felt happy not because of the fact that they don’t have any effect on me anymore but because of how I realized the difference between the high school me and the present me. Thankfully, the present me has more control over her emotions!
2. I didn’t care of what they think of me anymore.
It's definitely a nice feeling to walk up straight to the people who once made your knees shake just by the thought of seeing them, but you couldn’t care less as to what they would say or do to you now. The moment our eyes met, all I actually cared about was if they would have any seats because the audience area was already full! Whatever they were thinking during that time, whether it’s about me or not, is none of my business anymore.
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3. I wished them all the best.
My high school self might not be the kind of person you would be insecure with, but I knew that I didn’t do anything wrong to be bullied. I believe that my high school bullies might have experienced something so bad that it made them act rudely to other people. That’s why as much as they practically ruined my high school life, I didn’t find any hatred in my heart towards them. I would rather see them living the life that they truly want, so they wouldn’t bring another person down with them just because they feel bad about themselves. Plus, wishing them bad won’t really make me feel happy.
4. I felt at peace.
I was calm because I knew I’m in a better place now than where I was before. I knew that even if they didn’t apologize for the emotional damage that they gave me when I was in high school, I understood deep in my heart that everything happened for a reason because through that experience, I became a better person.
After everything that has happened in high school, I still stood up in front of them and greeted them knowing that there’s no hatred nor guilt existing in me. I don’t know what they felt when they saw me, but it doesn’t really matter since the most important thing is that I’m moving forward in my life and leaving them where they truly belong—in the past.
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