We've all been in a place where we thought that love is the only thing that matters, some of us might have stopped believing in love after being in a relationship, while some might still be the hopeless romantic that just wants everyone to experience it. Either way, we do believe that love is not only an emotion, but our whole existence. Whether it's a love for your career or love for someone, we're all born to feel it.
It's true that it feels great to share your life with someone else especially if love is the center of it all. From the best days of your life up to your worse, they're there with you. Although this sounds like a dream come true, sometimes, sharing your life with someone else leads to losing yourself to the point that you've become someone different from the real you. Here we listed down the things that you could do to not lose yourself in the midst of loving someone.
1. Learn to have fun when you're alone.
We're sure that you and your significant other have hobbies and interests that are not the same. For example, you enjoy going on a hike, but they don't like it because it tires them easily, or they enjoy museum hopping, but just the idea of going there bores you already. Don't force yourself to stop doing something just because you can't enjoy it together. It's a huge factor that you support each other's interests; so if they really want to go, let them go without you, and vice versa. And remember that there are still plenty of things that you can do together, so enjoy the moments when you can have fun alone. Believe us, you need to have your solitude every once in a while.
2. Spend time with your friends without your partner.
It's great when your friends can get along with your partner. This just makes spending time with the people you love easier than carving your days to hangout with them individually. But of course, your friends don't always want them around when they're with you since the way you interact with your friends is actually different when your partner joins. Don't be upset since this is normal for most couples. You're not going to need them to be there all the time. And it's healthy to socialize without each other because this is where you'll learn to value your partner's company more. Plus, you don't want to lose your friends, the people who were already there for you since day one, just because you got into a relationship, right?
3. Plan out a part of your future that has nothing to do with them.
Mapping out plans for your future with the idea that you two are still together by that time is completely normal like planning on living together after five years or saving money for a one-week vacation in Bora Bora. These are long-term goals that we usually discuss for a possible future together. But it's also important to plan out what you want to happen with your career or the things that you want to do in your personal life without them. It doesn't mean that you're preparing yourself for a future breakup, but you shouldn't lose sight of the things that you want before you met them. A healthy relationship should inspire you to be the best person you can be, and losing your individuality and uniqueness while you're in one should not be the case.
4. Don't let what's going on in your relationship affect you entirely.
Yes, we know how complicated it is when you and your partner fight. And we also know the pain it gives you when you two are not getting along since both of you don't really like being mad at each other. But don't let your fight ruin your entire day! By not going to class, not eating well, or not wanting to hangout with your friends just because your significant other is mad at you just proves that your happiness depends on the status of your relationship. Whether it's going good or bad, you just made it harder for you to live your life on your own. It's normal to be affected by what's going on in your relationship since you're in love with them, but don't let it consume you.
5. Don't agree to everything they say just because you love them.
Commitment and loyalty are two of the most important things when it comes to a relationship, but giving up your needs for that person isn't something so ideal. You can be loyal to them and still not agree with everything that they say. Whether it's as little as you wanting to go out when your partner wants to stay in, or as big as religion and politics—there would always be things that you won't agree on. Just because they're your significant other, it doesn't mean that you should always give everything that they want. A healthy relationship consists of two people who are both willing compromise to understand each other more and match up each other's needs, not bending your desires to their liking. If your partner doesn't listen to what you have to say or doesn't like it when you express yourself, then we think it's better to lose them than to lose yourself.
6. Love yourself more than your partner.
"You complete me" and "I can't live without you" might seem like the most romantic and cheesiest lines you will ever hear in movies. But they're the scariest and most draining lines IRL! When you hear your partner or yourself saying this, you should start checking what went wrong with your relationship because letting it be your world is downright toxic. Loving yourself more than your partner doesn't mean you're selfish or they're not important to you anymore. What self-love does is reassuring you that you're going to be okay with or without them. Being with someone should only be an addition to your life, not the sole reason of your wholeness.
The most important relationship in your life is your relationship with yourself. It's going to be the foundation that would make you a great partner, friend, or relative, so it's your responsibility to nurture it. If you start loving other people more than yourself, you're bound to lose yourself in the process and let the relationship define you. So when you start feeling that you're stopping yourself to grow just to please them and be the person that they "want", then the relationship you're in is stifling your journey instead of fostering it. It's best to take a step back and find the real you again.
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