By Chris Clemente
So he was a cheater, and she was promiscuous–what now?
In the start of relationships, we’re always keen on finding out who our partner was and what kind of things they did before we came into their lives. We ask probing questions that start from the innocent slam-book type to intimate details that almost seem like trick questions—from their favorite movie to segueing to who they've watched that movie with.
Then the can of worms is served.
This is when those red flags start popping up. This is the time you find out about those indiscretions, those possible deal breakers, and those little things that could become the big things. Every detail revealed takes you closer to the point of no return.
What if you find out your boyfriend was once a cheater? What if you find out she slept with one of your friends? What now? This is a good time to decide if you really want to be with this person or not.
Everyone has a past. Each one of us is the sum total of the pieces of people we’ve met and situations we’ve experienced. And if you found this person interesting enough to date, then whatever it took to get them to you shouldn’t be a deterrent to love them.
If anything, those experiences are the reasons why they are the way they are. They have helped shape the kind of person worthy to catch your attention. For all you know, they're philandering ways taught them to pay more attention to his next partner, to communicate better. All the things that have happened in their life had led them to find you at the exact moment they did.
So how relevant is the past? Well, it depends on what you’re trying to find. If you’re trying to genuinely get to know someone to love them deeper, then the past could read like a lovely rom-com that ends with the chapter that includes you.
Remember that what we have done during those times doesn’t define the entirety of who we are today. It’s only relevant if people repeat their mistakes in the present and refuse to evolve into better people. Ultimately, how you know them and how you inspire them to be better is what counts.
Should you start doubting them for cheating on their partner before you? Of course not. Should you run in the opposite direction because they were immature and selfish before they met you? Not really. You shouldn’t discredit them for whatever happened in their past because we are all 3 persons in this life—who we were, who we are, and who we will become.
Worried about their exes? Don’t be. They’re just that, people from the past. They weren’t the right ones. But you could be–if you stop glancing at the rear view mirror and start looking ahead.
Originally appeared in NoInk. Edits have been made to the original article.
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