With all the fan fiction stories and #relationshipgoals posts that we've been reading online, it's easy to normalize the push and pull concept in a relationship since they would make it seem like being territorial and controlling is sweet and caring. In reality, the abuser would make you feel the most loved yet abandoned person in the world—and yes, it's so confusing. They might appear attentive, sensitive, and kind, but don't be fooled because this is just the "grooming process" which would end after a few weeks or so to manipulate you to do what they want.
Whether it's physical, mental, or emotional abuse, It's hard to distinguish an abusive partner these days when you're the one who's in a relationship with them since a part of you believes they're just doing that because they love you. So to help you identify if you're in an abusive relationship, here are seven warning signs that you should keep an eye out for.
1. They try to control the way you act.
When you laugh too loud or smile too little, they always find a way to embarass you by scolding you in front of your friends or tell you how to act before you go out. They don't respect your way of handling things, manipulating you to change your behavior and sometimes your relationship with other people, too.
2. They get overly jealous with everyone around you.
From going out with your workmates to hanging out with your best friend, they would want to know everything that you're doing with someone who's not them. Yeah, we get it, jealousy in a relationship is not new, but being overly jealous is definitely a warning sign especially if there's no way you or other people are giving them reasons to be triggered. And it's because of their posessiveness that you go through petty fights since they would always accuse you of cheating. In short, they don't trust you at all.
3. They manipulate you to change your looks to their liking.
At first, it starts with what you wear, asking you to change into something less "revealing" to the point that they would insult you just because you didn't obey them. They would manipulate you to lose weight, cut your hair, etc., and it's a never-ending cycle of acting like you're their project.
4. They are the reason why there's a gap between you and your friends.
It's okay to want to spend most of your time with your partner, but it's never healthy to be always together 24/7. There would be times that you would need a time apart and hang out with your friends to catch up or to destress especially if you and your partner are going through a rough patch. After all, more often than not, your friends have already been in your life even before you got into a relationship. But an abuser doesn't understand that, instead they would cut you off from your support system so they can have you all to themselves.
5. You have become too self-conscious because of the fear of disappointing them.
When you're in a relationship, you're supposed to be comfortable to be yourself when you're around them. But when you're with an abuser, you tend to shrink just to please them. They expect perfection from you that's why when you make one mistake or you did something they didn't like, they would physically or emotionally hurt you which would lead to you thinking it's all your fault for not being enough.
6. They don't respect your boundaries.
Yes, being in a relationship means you've got to share things to your partner that you've never shared to other people, but there should still be boundaries that you can rightfully set. Just like your relationship with your friends and family, there are things that your partner should understand when it comes to your life like your alone time or what you share online. If there were times you want to do something alone, your partner should respect it instead of being mad and acting like a victim just for you to succumb to what they want.
7. They belittle your accomplishments.
Besides insulting you, they would also make you feel that they're better than you and without them, you would be nothing. Most of the time, they would want you to listen to them brag about themselves but cut you off when it's your turn to share the things you had accomplished.
If you've checked most warning signs, then have the courage to leave them even if you love them. Realize that what they're doing to you is not love. Know that you can stand up to them and that you have other people who truly love you and are willing to protect you at all costs. It's time that you fight for your worth and let yourself be loved in the right way.
ALSO READ: Daily Diaries: Why Giving Your Ex A Second Chance Is A Mistake
GIFs from GIPHY