Before I met him, I was not the kind of girl who believes in second chances when it comes to relationships. Whether it's a relationship with a relative, friend, or a significant other—giving a second chance is a bad idea for me since there's a part of me that believes that if someone is truly important to you, you'll always do your best to get it right the first time.
And whether it's unintentionally or not, people always had this idea that once you gave them another chance, then they expect you to do it again every time they screw up. Truly, when you love someone, forgiving them won't be hard since you still want them in your life either way. I gave my ex a second chance because let's admit it, we all want our love life to turn out the way we want it. Some people deserve the chance, while some don't. But how would you really know if they do? Here are the signs that they simply don't.
1. You were still blinded by your love.
It’s true that once you're in love, you get blinded. In a way that you would rather ignore the red flags than talk about it with your partner. In my case, I was still in love with my ex when he asked for another chance. Truth be told, I've moved on from the fact that our relationship had ended, but there was still a part of me that wanted him back. That's why when he came back, I immediately forgot the reasons why we broke up in the first place. Thinking about it now, he doesn't really deserve the chance I gave him. Next time, if someone asks for another chance, I'll at least make sure that I already understand the situation and not only give them one because I still love them.
2. They easily stop trying to earn the chance you gave them.
When your ex asks for a second chance, of course they would try to earn it. Doing things that you've never thought they would do, a lot of nice things just for you to notice them again. And yes, my ex did everything he could, from writing long messages to planning dates. Unfortunately, once I gave him a chance, he stopped trying to earn my trust thinking that all is well again.
3. They still don't want to face the issues from your previous relationship.
Whether it's a small issue or not, your relationship ended for a reason so when you give your ex a second chance, it means you have to go back to that issue again like retaking a test you know you still didn't study for. There's nothing wrong with that as long as both parties want to make things right. The chance I gave him was a sign that I was willing to talk about our issues from our previous relationship and make things right with him, I was ready to settle again even though I had a gut feeling that things won't work out again. I took the risk but instead of helping me deal with it, he chose to ignore it again which in the end ruined our relationship the second time around.
4. They broke you to the extent of losing faith in love.
In some ways, it might be true that the person who broke you is the only person who could fix you. But looking at it in a more practical way, doing so would only hurt you ten times more unless you help yourself. I thought I was finally okay when we got back together. But as days passed by, I realized that I haven't move on from what had happened to us in the past which made me more cautious about our relationship. Even though he apologized, something inside me had already looked at love differently and getting back with him didn't really change it, it just made it worse.
5. When your friends is against the idea, then it's best to believe them.
Sometimes, our friends are more aware of how toxic our relationship is. It's because they're the ones who we run to whenever we have love problems, plus they know how bad it affected us when it ended. They were the ones who took care of our broken heart when we were trying to move on from our ex. I wasn't surprised that when my friends found out that my ex was trying to get back with me, the immediate reaction that I've received from them was annoyance towards him. Not only one, but every friend that I've talked to told me to not give him what he wants. And, of course, because I was still in love with him, I didn't listen to them because I thought they didn't know him like I do. Looking at it now, they were right all along.
Everything that I've wrote here is based on my experience. At the end of it, it would be up to you to decide if your ex actually deserves a second chance or not. In my point of view, it was a mistake, but I don't regret because at least it ended my "what ifs". Just remember to contemplate real hard if giving a second chance is worth the risk.
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