By Daniel Baysa
Chalk Campus Correspondent
We’d like to think that we only lose friends because of big fights or problems, when one of us is a gigantic jerk that made the relationship fall apart. Sadly, that isn’t always the case. Sometimes, without wanting or meaning to, whether because of moving homes, different schedules or just diverging paths in life, you just happen to drift apart.
If you’re lucky though, you might just see them again. Whether by chance or because one of you decided to contact each other again, your paths cross once more. If you’re lucky, it’s like your old pal never left and you’re back to the way things were before, but not all of us are that lucky. If you want them to stick around, here are some things to keep in mind to make sure you don't lose them again.
1. Have as many forms of contact as possible.
Any relationship is built on being able to communicate even past the first conversation, and you’ll have to work to reconnect. Phone numbers are a good start of course, but consider taking voice chat accounts like Skype or Discord in order to talk more. If your hectic schedules won’t allow for regular meet ups, at least allow online talking to supplement that, something especially useful for friends who live abroad from each other.
2. Find at least one thing in common to devote yourselves to.
If being able to talk to each other is a solid foundation, common interests can build it up. Being able to share one thing and agree to do it together whenever you can helps a lot. Is it a weekly seminar? A sport like martial arts or basketball, or even just going to a gym? Do you want to consider online games? Go ahead! A commitment like this can bring the two of you even closer together as you progress in what you do.
3. Invite your other friends, too.
Why limit it to just the two of you? Bring the whole barakada along to bond together! Reminisce old memories while making new ones with the rest of your old gang, or have your friend get together with your new cliques. Making your friend comfortable in your social circles can support the connection you made by widening the people he’s connected with, and therefore, strengthening his connection to you.
4. Don’t rush things.
You can’t just expect yourselves to become casual and warm up right away. Reconnecting with old friends can bring awkwardness to the table as your try to learn more about what happened to each other. Take your time and be patient. Your perseverance will yield results.
5. Don’t always expect things to go back to exactly as they were before.
If you’ve drifted apart this much, it would be very difficult for everything to go back to the old days. The very fact that you’ve drifted apart for who knows how long is evidence of that. Times have changed. You weren’t the same kids, classmates, blockmates or coworkers you were before. If it’s been years already, that becomes more difficult. That’s not to say it’s impossible to meet your old pal and act as if they’ve never left, but that won’t happen to everyone, and that should be okay.
6. Don’t force it
Like with any other kind of relationship, things don’t always work out. Whether it’s because your schedules are too different or you feel things get too awkward and distant between you, it’s okay to part ways. Don’t force yourselves to be closer if it looks like it’s not going to happen. Best to part on good terms and be on your merry ways if you think it’ll cost too much to try and reconnect.
Keeping your relationships neat, tidy and cared for can be a hard balancing act between all your other priorities. Still, it’s among the most vital. Losing friends can cause a dull ache in your heart and leave a void that can’t be filled. Is it possible to live without losing a single friend? Is it possible to reconnect with the ones you lost? Different people get different answers. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try your hardest to make the answers yes.
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