There are times when you meet someone who makes you feel head-over-heels happy, and you might confuse that infatuation with something that's deeper A.K.A. "love." Dissecting both terms, "infatuation" is a "to hell with it" reckless feeling of passion that is usually felt at the start of a budding romance, usually met with intense physical connection. "Love," on the other hand, is more of an emotional connection where you willingly tear down your so-called walls and feel completely vulnerable.
Still confused? That's normal—feeling only what you want to feel. But in the end, you will realize that as much as you want to consider that feeling as "love," you feel like it's not enough to put that person up in that pedestal. If you want to confirm your second thoughts, then these signs will help you figure it out once and for all!
1. It's painful, but it’s manageable. When a romantic connection ends, a sure sign of real love being present in the relationship is that soul-crushing pain. Yes, you will feel a sting regardless of the intensity of your feelings, but one thing that separates the pain of love and infatuation is that when it is love, you feel both a physical (like you're literally being ripped apart) and an emotional pain making it appear to be impossibly bearable. So if it feels like you can get over the "pain" in a week with a little help from your friends and some beer, then maybe the feelings weren't as strong as you thought they were.
2. You miss the memories more than the person. There are going to be times when they'll suddenly appear in your 3pm daydream—you miss them. But then you will realize that it’s not the person that you're actually longing for; you just miss the comfort, familiarity, and convenience they gave you.
3. Their flaws make them less likable. When they say “love is blind,” they never meant it in the literal sense; this saying means that you still love them wholly after addressing and accepting their "flaws." But you’ll know it was never love when their imperfections turn you off and sometimes trigger your disinterest.
4. When the “relationship” is more physical than emotional. What makes love special is the emotional bond between two people; it is blissful when you make each other feel special in ways others can't or couldn't. A telltale sign that it's wasn't a deep connection is when you remember the PDAs more than the intimate and filling conversations you two had.
5. You don’t care about consistency. In order for a loving relationship to work, there should be consistency. Consistency shouldn't be confused with routine, because the latter could be dangerous in the long run. You don't have to routinely talk to each other 24/7, but rather you have to be consistently in touch with each other's hapennings and feelings. When you look back and you feel like your entire relationship with them is just a series of empty routines, then perhaps it was really less than what you think you had.
6. You’re already “in love” again with someone else. The moving on process doesn’t have a deadline; you move on at your own pace and time. But if you're suddenly in love again with someone else overnight, it's either that new person is an obvious rebound or the feelings you felt with your ex lover was just too inconconsequential that you can replace them right away without a second glance.
7. It’s easy for you to walk away. Leaving someone you truly loved is next to impossible; it's as if your feet are cemented right in front of them, and no matter how hard you try, you just can't pull yourself out. But when you don’t feel the love, walking away is just a thing you’ll do without flinching. As the saying goes, "Kung ayaw niya sa 'yo, edi 'wag."
8. You want to see them hurting. After the separation or the non-breakup (depending on what relationship you two had,) you might want to make them feel how much they hurt you. If you're getting yourself into a revenge plan of sorts instead of simply forgiving them, then that's a sure sign that it wasn't the selfless kind of love that you experienced with them.
9. You don’t remember the feeling. Remember the saying that “When you love someone, you’ll always love them”? When you really love someone, even if the relationship had a bitter ending, you’ll always remember loving them and you’ll always carry that love for them in you. It will never go away, at least for the forseeable future. So if you no longer remember the feeling in a quick span of time, maybe it isn’t a deeply rooted love after all.
Having feelings for someone at this day and age is a little bit complicated; we can't always call it as it is. So, have you confirmed that you've experienced real love or are they just one of those almost-loves in your life?
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