There's indeed so much more to discover about Solenn Heussaff's ripped and ready, Blue Steelesque hubby Nico Bolzico. That is, beyond his viral Globe and Traveloka ads tickling us recently. The Argentinian hunk has much to share about himself online, in third-person no less, oversharing and overdoing it most of the time. Apart from spending most of his days in self-defense for his dear life or in the dog-house thanks to her Wifezilla, there exists his other deeply fulfilled role in parenting Patato, their perpetually stoic pet turtle.
Here are the moments that we mostly feel had us almost in tears with laughter. The content Nico provides always boosts with a second wind of his written captions and those hilarious hashtags that we swear we can hear him saying in that rich—and really hot—Argentinian twang!
1. The time where Patato chose Solenn over Nico. We feel Nico hasn't even fully recovered from this. One of our writers' mothers thinks the bigger broccoli piece is to blame. Note this part: "That walk in the park that took us 48 minutes to walk 13 meters." Oh, Nico, your online trash are our treasure!
2. When Nico decides to pull a not-so-fast one on Solenn. Thus far, this must be Nico's biggest masterpiece. An ugly handwritten note, an unsuspecting wife, and no air-conditioning paved the prank road to success. Now approaching a million views on Instagram, this moment is best enjoyed while being shared as often as possible. Spam at will, we say, and reading the caption is a must.
3. When Nico once took the time to describe and caption each guy in his "hubadero" gang. Once again, we insist, read the caption. Our abs are aching not just from ogling at theirs and but also from severe bouts of belly laughter.
Great workout day with the Armpit Boys Club! Of course what is coming is a full description of each of the homo sapiens in this picture, from left to right (ignore grammar mistakes and typos, life is too short to read what you write and even if I read it I will still make grammar mistakes): 1- Jamie Booth "The Canadian Raccoon": depending on the season you will see him with a dadbod or a triathloner body, in this case he is showing us his fit version. He partners up w El Bolzico to annoy Erwan. Hobby: birds watching. Afraid of: his wife. 2- Moritz Gastls "El Ritzo": the smart one of the group, he loves math, german cars and those old bikes w a huge and a small wheel. Runs like a gazelle but also rows like a gazelle. Hobby: cooking Appleztrudel. Afraid of: white cats. 3- JC Chambers "Dont call me British, I am Scotish": watched Brave Heart at least 27 times, he knows all the dialogues and claim to decend from William Wallace. Hobby: Freeeedom. Afraid of: Freeeeeeedom. 4- Erwan Heussaff "The Vegan Sargent": the leader of the pack. He can not take more than 5 questions with out getting annoyed. Probably the strongest but also the most pa cool. Hobby: disccus about the benefits of beign vegan. Afraid of: his fiance when she is hungry. 5- Adrien Semblat "The French Zack Efron": the good looking one, he knows how lethal he can be with ladies, be he also knows how lethal his wife is. Hobby: support France at any sport. Afraid of: his mother in law. 6- Nico Bolzico "The Clown": he talks about himself in third person, he thinks he is very funny and never stops talking, annoing everyone around him, specially Erwan, loves to gang up with Jamie. Hobby: whatever Wifezilla says. Afraid of: whatever Wifezilla says. #thecaptioneffortisrealthistoome37minutes #thatiswhyonly2hashtags #ok3
4. When Solenn was already upset—and he provoked her to "super upset." How does one capitalize on his beautiful wife's reactive impulses? Just ask plot twist master Nico Bolzic! While being lectured on some domestic issue, he went on to fashion a superhero cape for his fuming kween. All for matriarch management, of course!
5. The time Patato finally got his first soy drink endorsement and had to choose a favorite flavor. In this case the popular little reptile needed a boost from his Papa!
6. The time when Nico succumbed to Solenn's first year anniversary request—to do a Shakira number together. We really don't know what was going on or how it somehow came together. But eventually the dance became a super funny hip busting rendition, starring a reluctant hubby!
ALSO READ: Hot Stuff: We Got Insider Info On Future Mrs. Heussaff’s Super Daring ‘Metro Weddings’ Shoot!
Photos from: Instagram.com/nicobolzico