If you've heard (and memorized) the story of how your parents met and fell in love, then there's a huge chance that you're wondering this: how come dating isn't as easy as it was before compared to your current situation? It seems as though things get so messy these days, and we're all just playing a game of push and pull.
If there's one thing I learned from both personal experiences and observations from those in my age group, it's that we are constantly shadowed by fear and self-loathing when it comes to dating. This is why we often find ourselves screwing our relationships up before they even begin. Well, it's about time we wake up, millennials. Check out the signs you're ruining your dating life and how to get it together once and for all below!
1. You're putting up guards. Having so-called "walls" is a popular concept these days. Perhaps you got hurt in the past, and you just don't want to go through that painful process again. It's that kind of fear that is keeping you from putting yourself out there. And being vulnerable is that last thing you want to be. But in case you haven't figured it out, that's not how it works especially if you're serious about building a real connection with someone.
How to fix it: Let the chips fall where they may. Yes, it's not easy to let people in especially after you've been hurt. But try to be open to possibilities, and just let yourself feel again. Let go of the mentality that you have to constantly protect yourself. You can't move on if you're hiding behind your "walls." Tear them down, and you'll realize that the grass is indeed greener on the other side.
2. You're playing it safe. You're afraid of going all the way in, and you consciously stop yourself from doing so. You never want to be the one who will talk to them first. You wait five minutes before you respond to their message. You make sure that you don't like them more than they like you. Guilty?
How to fix it: Be brave. If you want a genuine connection, you simply have to go ahead and jump the boat for that person. It's okay to make them feel how much you truly care and to tell them what they mean to you. Remember that you are not on the losing side here if you do that. Honestly, our generation can really benefit from being more generous when it comes to our feelings. In other words: there's no need to be pabebe.
3. You don't communicate. You don't want to make a big deal out of things, because why would you? Nothing's even official yet or you're only a month into your relationship. You don't want to seem nagging or controlling. You pretend like nothing bothers you. Sometimes, you'd rather assume the worst than actually talk about what's going on. And then, before you know it, things have blown up and it's too late to solve anything.
How to fix it: Be more vocal. If you think that something is off, then say it. It's crucial and healthy to talk even if you think you're just going to "rock the boat." If the other person reacts in a negative way, then it's a sign that they are not ready to be serious with you. And that is not okay. Remember that if this is your person, there's no way you can be too much for them. So go ahead and just say what you mean.
4. You're doubting yourself and your relationship. You think you're not good enough and that the other person may not even like you that much. Again, this can come from your experience in your previous relationships where you felt like you lacked in something and failed. You constantly worry that your current relationship is too fragile and may not last, and you end up sabotaging something that's actually promising.
How to fix it: Have faith. It can be hard to believe that someone you like feels the same way especially if you're dealing with self-esteem issues. But one thing to keep in mind is that this person will not send you that cute text or go out of their way to see you at the end of a hectic weekday if they're not sincerely into you.
5. You read into things way too much. You're constantly thinking what it means when they don't use an emoji in their reply, or when they don't open your message right away even though you can see that green dot signaling that they are currently online. You become way too neurotic than necessary which is totally unhealthy for your sanity. The worst thing that can happen is that you begin to lose your trust over the other person just because they didn't reply to that message you sent last night. This can even cause a fight.
How to fix it: Stop being so anxious all the time. You don't have to dissect their actions and pay too much attention on every small detail about your conversations and what-nots. Again, have faith. Try your best to feel as secure as possible, and just enjoy things as they come.
Finding your "person" is hard enough as it is. So once you start feeling a potential connection with someone, don't waste your time by making things more complicated than necessary. Just go with the flow, and stop making excuses out of your past and your current fears. It takes a whole lot of courage, but always remember that a real and lasting relationship requires your bravery and vulnerability. Trust us, allowing yourself to take that kind of risk is definitely worth it in the end.
Have you ever made these dating mistakes? Share your experience with us in the comments below!
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