I can still remember the last Mother’s Day my family celebrated as a whole—it was three years ago when my family picked me up from work and headed straight to a Japanese restaurant. It was a simple yet memorable celebration; I saw it on her face—my mom was beaming with happiness that she wouldn’t even let go of our hands. Little did we know we’d lose her three weeks later.
Losing her was a complete shock, and to be honest, there’s still a part of me that still hasn’t moved on. There are sleepless nights when I would cry myself to sleep, ponder on the “what ifs,” browse through our old pictures and notes, or even pray to her just so I could see her in my dreams. Needless to say, she’s always on my mind.
This Mother’s Day, as a tribute to the woman I love most in my life, I'm sharing the five things I miss about her. I hope that by reading them, you would learn to appreciate your own mom—give her a hug and cherish her not only for this day, but forever.
1. I miss receiving random texts from her. “Let’s get our beauty rest na,” she would say in a message when I was up all night doing schoolwork. When I have work, she’d never fail to text me, “Good luck on your shoot, baby love!” These short texts showed how much she cared about me, and that she was always thinking of me, just like any mom to their daughters. Now, when I need a little confidence boost, I would re-read her texts; it's enough to make me feel her presence again and inspire me.
2. I miss being with her at work. Not only was she my shopping buddy, but she was also my number one fan. When I was starting my career as a stylist, she’d drive me to school, sometimes to an event, or to the mall to help me with projects I’m working on. She was also one of the first people to post my styling works on Facebook! My mom always made me feel that she was proud of me, and it was the only validation that I needed to continue being good at what I do.
3. I miss watching her and Daddy laugh at their inside jokes. It’s one of the priceless moments that I will never forget. Whenever I’m in the car with my parents, I’d catch them laughing heartily about an inside joke. For me, they’re the ultimate #CoupleGoals.
4. I miss holding her hand. We’re both clingy, and, most of the time, I would hold hands with Mommy and hug her in public. She’d also constantly check up on me and enter my room in the middle of the night (which I also did to her) and give me a kiss or tell me “good night.” I know that not everybody has the same relationship as I do with my mom, but it's the little things like this that make me miss her so much. We might not see it, but it's these small moments that show us how much our moms love us.
5. I miss us teasing each other. To some, it may come to a surprise that my mom is mapang-asar. She’s just like that best friend you love to tease and hug at the end of an argument—we’d make fun of one another, throw jokes, and, in the end, laugh together. She’s my mom, yes, but she's also my best friend.
Three years after I lost her, it's still not easy moving on. It’s a process. There are days when I see girls (especially my age) hanging out with their mothers and it makes me feel jealous; but, then, I remind myself that I’m still luckier than most—I had the chance to make good memories with my mom and my family, and those are the moments that I will forever cherish.
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Banner photograph from Pixabay. Photos and screenshots from Camille Santiago.