We’ve heard it all before. You see your close friends who can pass with flying colors as a couple but when you ask them, they’ll answer in unison: “We’re just friends.”
So we wonder, can a guy and a girl truly stay close friends on a platonic level most especially when they spend most of their time together? Love team James Reid and Nadine Lustre took it from reel to real while John Lloyd Cruz and Bea Alonzo remain just good friends.
For those of you who are stuck in the same dilemma, we asked Cherry Africa, one of the most in-demand coaches on personal power, peak performance, and brand fascination to weigh in and shed some light on what you can do.
1. Start with Your Belief. Earlier this month, Liza Soberano upset netizens when she called Enrique Gil her best friend over Twitter which fans took as “friend-zoning.” She was quick to reply:
Cherry says: “We all have different beliefs about the boundaries of friendships and romantic relationships. Ask yourself: What are your beliefs about the relationship? Does being best friends close off the possibility of romance? Or is this friendship the first step to something more? What are your beliefs about yourself as a friend or a lover?
Should you want to extend the friendship even deeper, you'll need to make sure you have a resourceful belief to begin with. Nothing can be more powerful than the belief that you can make the other party fall in love with you, the determination and commitment to do it, and the compelling belief that at the right time, it will happen.”
2. Resolve Internal Dilemma. There are two parts of you that want to be enabled—the part that wants the friendship to stay and the part that wants him or her to be more than friends. Which is the best move forward? You need to chunk up and chunk down to find out.
Cherry says: “Chunk Up to the Big Picture: What is your intention in remaining as friends? What is your intention in being romantically involved? What’s your biggest WHY? What purpose does this intention serve—are you merely confusing your feelings as a thoughtful and caring friend with romantic feelings?
Chunk Down to Specifics: Were there instances when he made you feel more than just friends? How have you shown in words and in action that you want to take things to the next level? And how did he respond? Answering some of these questions can help you plan out your next moves, while having a motivated mindset."
3. Now What? After taking some time to think, maybe you’ve come to the conclusion that it’s best to remain friends for now. As per Cherry, you don’t have to worry as there are things you can do to collapse your feelings for your friend. She shares, “Whenever you think of him, instead of amplifying, try turning down the vivid feelings, images and sounds in your memories associated with the romantic feelings just as if you have a remote control. Keep practicing and amplify instead the memories where you were a very good friend and was like a sibling to your friend.”
Cherry says: “Should you decide to take things to the next level, it’s time for you to open up to your friend. If you are not feeling brave enough to open up your feelings—were there times when you opened up to the other party and you felt happy? Copy and paste the mindset, energy, language, and physiology when you open up. Lastly, ask yourself—what is your belief about yourself that will enable this relationship to work? Anchor on this mindset.”
ALSO READ: The D Word: From the Sweetest of Best Friends to Starry-Eyed Lovers
Photographs from Star Cinema and ABS-CBN Entertainment. Resource speaker Cherry Africa is also an international keynote speaker, author, coach, and the founder and Master Transformation Rockstar of World Stage International Network. Go to www.cherryafrica.com for more information.