To commit suicide is to look normal. It’s to wear your everyday jeans and your everyday hair like you usually would. It’s to put on a façade, to let out a forced smile, and get on with the world.
To commit suicide is to get busy or at least pretend to be. It’s to surround yourself with people only to find yourself lonely; to try to fill yourself up with whatever means available only to find yourself still empty.
To commit suicide is not always about sadness. In fact, it’s to know happiness; to know it all too well yet seldom, almost rarely get to feel it. It’s to wake up every single day carrying the deepest of hopes that maybe if you just smile a little more, push a little more, then everything can change.
To commit suicide is to think about turning to your friends or your family along with other millions reasons why you can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. It’s to turn to yourself instead and crawl back to your dark hole.
To commit suicide is to run as fast and not let your demons catch up to you. It’s to run as fast only to find your demons already inside you.
To commit suicide is to wake up with a certain kind of suffering you'll spend the day trying to cure. It's to pick yourself up in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening. It’s to keep trying… until a day comes when you stop, and it becomes your last.
To commit suicide is to have called on almost every god you know. It’s having walked blindly for so long and believing nothing ever got better. To commit suicide is to have lost faith in it all.
To commit suicide is to be selfish. It may be understood but never justified. It’s to be unfair to those you’d be leaving behind.
And more than anything, to commit suicide is to give up on your battle, letting the others bear your undeserved cross and continue your fight.