People & Inspiration

Daily Diaries: Choose Your Kind Of 'Goodbye'—A Slow Fade Or A Sudden Stop?

Daily Diaries: Choose Your Kind Of 'Goodbye'—A Slow Fade Or A Sudden Stop?

Dating or perhaps the mouthful that is "getting-to-know-someone-more-cause-you-like-them" is severely more grey today on so many levels. You meet someone, you hit it off, laughs and drinks weave the night together, a couple of selfies together maybe (pero IG stories lang muna para transient, go ahead and laugh). Numbers and social handles are ultimately exchanged, online adding and following ensue, chat threads form and you're now off on that somewhat slippery slope.   

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The "getting to know" stage is an albeit genuine yet possibly complicated journey. It doesn't have to be complicated but these days a lot of the time it just is. We don't like generalizing across encounters. We've just noticed a highly popular form of intimacy bailing has escalated these days. Thanks to the different dynamics present in communication made possible by technology. People, now being more aware of this, have sadly begun to train themselves to expect way less than before. Why? Simply because that's really just how it's got to be if you're in the dating loop.

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After meeting this new person, many shoot themselves in the foot with advanced thoughts trampling all over natural flow. There's too much information about these people made available in advance before really knowing them thanks to their profiles that individuals are inclined to generate pre-conceived scenarios.   

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Some hope with their fingers and toes crossed that this could very well be the start of something simple and special, then of course they back-pedal. Too much too soon. You keep that latter thought in your back-pocket so as not to get ahead of yourself. But sometimes it all doesn't work out, and these days rather than a decent conversation with real thoughts (a rare commodity we assure you)  you get one of either these two suck-y versions of a French exit: either the sudden stop or the finicky, repulsive slow fade. We asked a couple of people what they thought about these two new varieties or avenues of concluding encounters.

[related: Daily Diaries: 5 Things You Must Know About "Breadcrumbing," A Dating Swerve Worse Than "Ghosting"]

"I honest to goodness dislike people who have the audacity to pull the slow fade game on anyone. It's dishonest and outright cowardly, to say the least. Maturity and courteousness play big parts when getting to know someone, and if he or she can't commit from the very start, who's to say that that person will stay?  You never get closure, and that hurts like hell." - Student, 19

"In a twisted way, I like being able to not reply. It makes rejecting guys feel not as harsh or final. But I'm also aware that it leads them to hoping there still could be more. When someone does it to me I take it as an automatic no, and no hard feelings." - Sports writer, 34

"I practice clarity in my relationships and I make sure that people know where I stand. When I realize that a date isn't going anywhere, I tell them frankly that I don't think it'll be a good fit between us. That way, we don't waste each other's time." - TV producer, 37

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"I think it's rude (the sudden communication stop). At least, have the decency for a proper goodbye. Kapag tayo umaalis, gusto natin napapansin tayo pero kapag the shoe is on the other foot hindi na pwede? Anong klase yun." - Freelance video editor/ husband, 38

"It really depends on the situation. If you like a particular person, the sudden stop might feel terrible, especially if you've invested emotionally already. On the other hand if you don't feel a particular passion with someone the sudden stop just might simplify your life again, without any fear of the consequences." - Online contributor, 24

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"I especially don't like how the person on the receiving end of the slow fade/sudden stop often doesn't get closure. With closure, at least you don't end up guessing why." - Online contributor, 25  

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"There is technically no rule when it comes to staying or going, especially in dating these days. However, the manner in which a person leaves another person is proof of their character. It reflects on how they value what was had at best.  Radio silence is the worst type of rejection that totally gets under your skin. There is one quote that did it for me though and I'm always able to bounce back better thanks to it: 'Disinterest is closure,' by Matthew Hussey. Never feel you're entitled to closure all the time, especially after a spell that was pretty much premature."  - Blogger, 34.

ALSO READ: Daily Diaries: 5 Whys And 5 Ways On Avoiding Social Media Stalking To Move On

Banner photo: unsplash.com

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