When a wife or husband confronts a cheating partner, the most telling question is “Why?” Why do even the prettiest women get cheated on? Hollywood actresses Sandra Bullock and Eva Longoria are just two of the many women in Hollywood whose marriages came to an end because of infidelity on their husbands' end. This just goes to show that it can happen to anyone.
And so the big question remains: Why? What pushes someone to cheat on his or her partner?
Though the atrocity would be quite obvious in this most vicious attack against families, persons, lives, men and women go into extra-marital affairs willfully with utter disregard of any consequences of their actions.
But then again, why?
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Let's take into consideration this current case of Sunshine Dizon and Timothy Tan, who were seen as a perfect couple back in 2010, when news of their wedding splashed all over. She, the beautiful, affectionate showbiz star who a lot have observed as seemingly the ideal wife or mother, who would really nurture a happy, loving family. He, the dashing pilot who would not settle for anything less than seeing his wife or children joyful and contented at all costs.
They had a whirlwind romance after their first meeting in Guagua, Pampanga in late 2009—a 10-day courtship, an engagement after a few weeks, and a wedding after a few months.
It was a blissful four-year marriage that produced two adorable kids, Doreen and Anton.
But something happened on the fifth year, and Sunshine could only look back at that woeful June “when the nightmares started,” as she narrated in her Instagram post, clearly referring to a third party, a woman who has seemed to be getting Timothy’s attention away from her.
Then, after she gave Timothy “several chances” to change his ways and “swallowed everything” for their children’s sake, it seemed the affair went on and intensified, as she mentioned “US trips” in direct references to the alleged mistress, who was herself also married and lived just “3 floors up in the same building were (sic) my children and I live.”
And after a year from the time the alleged affair was discovered, Sunshine and Timothy agreed to separate. Timothy said in an interview “annulment” as what he claimed they supposedly agreed upon, to which Sunshine made a stern rebuff in another Instagram post: “There is no forgiveness for what you did. No annulment for you, I will seek justice. I will see you both in court.”
But how do men or women even think of betraying their sacred bonds to their wives and husbands, even if they share the best of everything? We talked to famed psychologist and psychiatrist Dr. Randy Dellosa to explain why people, in general and not referring to any specific case, are capable of doing such a thing.
According to him, it revolves around a person’s nature and, quite blatantly, their sexual behavior and compatibility.
“One reason is, it’s in the genes,” Doc Randy said, stressing that those who are capable of infidelity had been from a family of marital transgressors. “If the parent or parents have been unfaithful, chances are the offspring will also be unfaithful.”
This becomes worse, he said, once the child actually witnesses the infidelity of his or her parents, and think of it as just the norm. “It’s role modeling. If the parents do it, then the children imitate it,” Doc Randy further said.
But he said the behavioral pattern emanates from the unfaithful partner’s own psychological makeup, particularly when it comes to sex.
“Some people are hypersexual so they have a lot of sexual energy so hindi sapat ang sariling sikap (solo sex) or having sex with just one partner. Because of the excess energy, they need more release. They go to others,” he noted.
This hypersexuality, he says, sometimes doesn’t match with the partner.
“Sometimes kasi that partner is less sexual so the compatibility is not right. So mapapagod yung partner, makukulangan naman yung guy o yung other partner, so maghahanap sa iba,” Doc Randy said.
And, other adulterers betray their partners “to cover up some emotional conflict.” “So it’s like a quick fix to escape the problem, not knowing that more damage has been done.”
As such, how does the betrayed partner face this predicament? According to Doc Randy, there is no solution that fits all, or advice that would apply to everyone.
It depends, he says, on the values of the aggrieved party.
“Depende sa values ng girl. I meet a lot of girls, sabi ang feeling nila basta ako ang uwian. Never mind if he plays around basta he comes home to me. Others naman they want to separate, kaya lang they are financially dependent so okay lang to protect their relationship. So they just stay. When I talk to a person, iba iba eh kasi they have different rules and values. My advice to them is if you can tolerate, you stay. If you can’t, you leave.”
As for Sunshine, she surely has made her choice.
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Photographs from Instagram.com/evalongoria, Instagram.com/sunshinecruz718, Instagram.com/shinedizontan, and Instagram.com/igna_wintour