If you’re a single mom, you might have come across people who wonder how dating is like for you. While you may think it’s really nothing different from how the rest of humanity does it, you can understand where the question comes from. Being a single mom means coming with another bundle of joy which clearly, not everyone is ready for; it also means you’re not deciding just for yourself anymore.
Pinoy Big Brother 737 Big Winner Miho Nishida, a single mom to her daughter Aimi, weighs in on the six things she considers first and foremost when she sets out on the search for “The One,” and it’s just as real as it gets:
1. Lasting potential. Simply put, a person’s shelf-life or ability to maintain a long and serious relationship. Is he in it for the long haul or does he just need a fling or a temporary romantic fix? For Miho, when entertaining suitors, she imagines if they can end up together in the future.
2. Likeability factor. It’s a huge deal that the person you consider dating gets along well with your child. “Pag gusto naman ni Aimi, eh di syempre titignan ko ‘yon ugali niya. Babasahin ko pa. Pero pag ayaw ni Aimi, ayaw ko na din. Kasi syempre ayaw ko naman ‘yon ako gusto ko, pero ayaw naman ng anak ko,” Miho shares.
It's only admirable, how for Miho, Aimi's happiness always comes first (photograph from Miho Nishida's official Instagram account).
3. Financial Stability. Whether you’re single or not, it’s never ideal to date a jobless person. According to Miho, “Iniisip ko kung may trabaho. Iniisip ko kung magkakatuluyan ba kami nito, mabubuhay ba kami ng anak ko. Kasi syempre kelangan mo isipin ‘yon eh.”
4. Authenticity of feelings. Miho, having found Tommy Esguerra, can advise this with much certainty to other single moms out there: "Unang una mararamdaman naman ‘yan kung totoo siya sayo o hindi. Makikita niyo naman yan sa mga kilos niya, ano ‘yon intensyon. Kung ano ‘yon nararamdaman ng anak nila, ‘yon ang sundin.”
5. Love and acceptance for the family. Single moms are not for everyone. Their stories, the things they’ve been through, even the life they lead—not everybody gets to handle that. Ask yourself if the guy can really keep up, accept you for who you are, and still see you as a completely beautiful person. “Unang una, yan naman ang sinasabi ko,” Miho explains, “May anak ako, kaya mo bang mahalin yung anak ko?”
6. The ability to add happiness. As a single mom, chances are you work your butt off to provide for your daughter that sometimes, you just end up thinking about work all the time. So you know it’s a nice addition to have a partner for life. Miho says, “Dati iniisip ko trabaho, trabaho, trabaho. Pero ngayon, parang nadagdagan ‘yon. Syempre pwede ka naman mag-isip na balang araw… syempre si Aimi maging masaya din, may magtuturo din sa kanya ng magagandang bagay, hindi lang ako… madadagdagan ng saya kumpara sa mga lungkot mo.”
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Photograph from Miho Nishida's official Instagram account