People & Inspiration

Closure: It's More About Managing Your Expectations

Closure: It's More About Managing Your Expectations

Dating sites and books alike would always have something written about snagging the hot guy, meeting the right one, and so forth and so on. But only few would tell you straight up and elaborate on what to do or how to act when a relationship has failed and ended.

Sure, you’d always hear the words “let go”, “move on”, and all sorts of expounding on that. But in most cases, the moment something ends, you’re inevitably left either on some analysis paralysis or singing a song about hanging by a moment.

We get it, endings—good, bad, premature, unsaid—they all have the power to send anyone to a state of confusion. And as you start to feel the pain comes the questions “Where did it go wrong?”, “What do I do now?”, and “Why, why, and more why?”. But the most overlooked question to ask yourself first and foremost is, “What do you need to move on?”

Closure, you say?

Understandably, people want closure for similar if not the same reasons—to be able to put it all behind them. But how does one find it? And how exactly does closure make you put it all behind you?

Is it the idea of being able to tell the person all the things you haven’t yet? But for what purpose? Is it wanting to ask for forgiveness or wanting to know if you’ve been forgiven that you badly want to seek closure? Because if that is the case then, is “closure” just a word we cowardly use to make ourselves feel better?

Because to be honest, not everything ends well and not everything is “cool”. You just have to get used to that fact. And if you’re in the wrong, own up to it, and continue living your life. Closure is really more about managing your expectations, the ones grounded in common sense and reality, rather than an emotional resolution.

When you’re stuck in rut waiting for an apology that never came or an explanation never made, it’s not really lack of closure but rather your choice or inability to get past it. And it’s something you figure out and get over with regardless if the other person wants to be a part of it or not.

Even actress Coleen Garcia doesn’t let her lack of closure stop her from being happy. In an interview with Boy Abunda, she reveals, “My ex just got up and left the country. I think it’s (closure) not important… “We both moved on. It’s behind us now. Ako I’m not mad. I don’t have anything against him. I’m so happy. I’ve never been this happy.”

Here’s what the others have to say about it:

Cherime Chua, 28

Closure is coming to terms with the way things have become. It is acceptance. Acceptance that things have changed. Acceptance that you cannot/should not change anything because this is the way things are supposed to be. Closure is not something you find; it is a state of mind.

Klaris Chua, 28

Closure is about not being sorry. Not being sorry about meeting that person, about making memories with that person, and about closing that chapter in your life shared with that person. Closure is about not being sorry for yourself even if he or she did not say goodbye because finally, after a long time, you feel happy, healthy, and healed. Closure is when you bump into each other and then you don't feel sorry about having nothing to say except "hey."

Miko Lu, 26

My perception on closure is when a relationship with another human has sufficed. In layman’s terms, what’s done is done, and one must move on to ponder into something new and fresh whilst maintaining one’s civil act towards his or her previous partner.

Kharisse Cubelo, 23

Hmmm. Closure, I think it brings you peace of mind about something that has ended. I think it's important to have closure before you can move forward.

John Dee, 30

Although everyone needs "closure" and it's mainly an idea you have that it needs to "end well", there is no such thing as a "happy ending" in reality. Dealing with an ending starts with yourself.

Coco Torre, 27

Closure is good. It eradicates the anxiety of the “what ifs” and “what could have beens” in this world. It's a prerequisite to a healthy relationship between ex-lovers and a proper sign off to what was a good run. Closure may take a long a long transition or a swift exchange but in all honesty, it barely happens. You will always love the ones you loved. And the “what ifs”? They always linger.

Carmi Fontanilla, 28

What life has taught me about closure is that it is something you decide for yourself and not about what you think should happen or what people should do in order for you to move on. It’s not about having all the answers but making a decision to accept and be at peace, difficult as it may be, with things that happened and find assurance that everything will work out for the better.

 

 

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